{An iPhone snap from our engagement session by When He Found Her.}
I’ve been sitting here staring at my computer screen to write this post for what feels like days. It’s hard to get the words out and it’s even harder to admit to myself and to you, but sometimes my life isn’t “juust right” as I try so desperately for it to seem online. I’ve talked about feelings of depression and anxiety here for before, I’ve talked about my (what I thought) was my pretty perfect relationship, I’ve talked about practicing self-love and mindfulness all while sharing it in a pretty little photographed package. The truth is, my life, just as no one’s life, is perfect, and it’s especially not as perfect as what it may seem to online or even as to how I present myself in person. This week I dealt with the hardest situation that I have yet to face in my relationship. It was a struggle that was both internal and external and will continue to be. While Jamie and I shared a magical night shooting our engagement photos this week, I don’t feel like it’s right to sit here and pretend that the days leading up to our shoot were anything but heartbreaking. I’m not going to go into details because as a couple, Jamie and I love each other very much and are working through our issues, but we have both realized that neither of us was being fair to each other within the last weeks, months, years, I don’t really know. What I do know is that communication, patience, understanding, willingness to forgive and grow and love are a top priority for us now and going into the future. A relationship and of course, a marriage, is all about for better or for worse and right now we are going through a for worse that I am praying will work out for the better. Today, as I write this post, I hope that I am not turning any of you away, I just really needed to share some honesty and accountability with you. While my life may seem a certain way, it doesn’t mean that it is, and I want this blog to grow and be a safe space for me to share not just my outfits, recipes, etc, but also a place that I can come and write my feelings without fear of judgment. This week was hard, yes, but I have so much faith in the bond I have with my future husband that I know things are going to get better from here on out.
My mom is actually coming for a visit tomorrow which is perfect timing, you know when you just need to hug your mama? We’re planning a trip to New York from Monday-Friday and then my sister will be graduating university which is a pretty crazy feeling. Aside from the bad, there are a lot of good things happening around here that are much-needed. I’m not going to be sharing a Take Note post this afternoon as this week work has taken a back seat so I hope you understand.
Thank you for always supporting me and my blog through the good times and the bad, I could not keep going without you. I’ll see you Monday. xx
